well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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