Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize