"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
