Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They took my balls.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
