i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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