i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
