You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
