I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
