you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
