This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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