at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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