He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
