onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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