she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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