a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
