is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
