You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do herpes really smell.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
