Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
