I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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