We're facebook friends in real life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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