the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize