you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize