he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
