Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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