you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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