Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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