There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
