Your mouth is God's brothel.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
