I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
