drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
