if you like me you must not know who I am
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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