your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
