I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
