I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
