dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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