My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
