dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
