I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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