I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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