My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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