I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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