I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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