but the lizard people decide everything anyway
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
