Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize