That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
