she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize