sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
