I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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