Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
im on a boat
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