i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
