She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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