Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
