im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
