I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
