cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
