Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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