a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
