i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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