All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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