When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
