we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were destined to go to rehab together
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
