best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
