The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
