you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
