i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
