I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
