I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
