Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
