I hate all girls vehemently.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
