Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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