And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
