Don't you send me to vm
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
