EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize