Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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